Can I just insert a huge 130 font size "SIGH" for this entire post? Tomorrow is surgery day.  We've been waiting for this day/waiting for this day to be over for months now. Surgery is for the reconstruction on her internal reproductive system.  It's an odd thing packing a bag to stay at the hospital.  I didn't start getting nervous about it until a week and a half ago. I would walk around the grocery store frustrated that I couldn't find a dumb can of beans and thought to myself if someone I knew came up to me and casually asked how I was I would burst into tears. That kind of nervous emotional on-edge type thing. Which probably has everything to do with the fact that I started watching Grey's Anatomy. If I had any sanity left it's pretty much shot by now.  Uhh why would I watch a tv show about surgery?  Where people die on the operating table?! I'm brilliant.  I've been taking alot of time to watch Winnie too. To study her mannerisms and watch her play. Watching a baby's brain form is incredible.  I see her put her hands together as she realizes she's the one making the clapping sound. It's so cute! I like to engrain it in my head how perfect she is because after those hours of surgery she'll come out pretty groggy.  

Dayton and I talked in bed the other week about how surgery is different this time.  She knows who we are now.  She'll be in her hospital crib looking at us and wonder why we're not picking her up. There's alot that's harder now that she's big. A good thing about her being older is we also know what makes her happy.  She loves watching videos of puppies playing on Youtube, she loves to hold her blankie right under her nose to just sniff, she loves to dance when we sing Gramma's preschool 'Good Morning' song, and she loves smooches.  So that's what we'll do.  

She's been on a pedialyte juice fast since early this morning and can't have food or milk until tomorrow morning. It's been rough for her, rightfully so! We've just tried to distract her and just keep having her drink from her sippy every couple minutes.  She's barely slept, because she is just so hungry.  She has to stop all fluid tomorrow at 4:30am.  Hopefully tonight we'll all get some sleep and my mom will be taking shifts in case she is up most of the night.  Then tomorrow, during the five some odd hours Dayton and I will be watching videos of her, I'm journaling, and we're trying to cope as best as I know how!

I won't even start to tell you I'm in great spirits because this is one of the most terrible feelings.  I will say this, though.  We had a family fast on Sunday night and I am so grateful for everyone who fasted for Winnie but my little 11yr old sister fasted for the first time for her.  It takes alot for anyone to fast but I loved seeing my sister sacrifice so much for her little pal.  I am pretty sad, but I'm realizing again that our trials are so much bigger than us. And she strengthens more than just Dayton and I.

I'll try and update what I can while we're waiting. It's a sensitive surgery so obviously there are specifics we'll keep private but I'll do my best!!