balance

I'm overwhelmed.  At the risk of sounding selfish and immature I'm being honest with what's on my mind lately.  I've mentioned this in the beginning when I first got pregnant that I was nervous about the changes a baby would bring.  This decision was the absolute right thing to do and I've had confirmation of that countless times but worry and fear seeps in every now and again as we're nearing our baby girls arrival.

I stress about changes that will happen with me and Dayton.  Having a baby will be hard and when people say a baby changes everything I think "But wait! There are alot of things in my life I really love!"  Most importantly the relationship I have with Dayton.  We have a good thing going!  And this is where I may sound selfish.  And maybe I am. 

Part of me is so excited to welcome our baby into the fun.  But part of me is scared that our relationship wont be the same, that it will suffer, we wont have time to love each other like we do.  That's my favorite part right now about my life is my marriage.  How am I going to work in another little human being?  I know the love I will have for our little baby will be something I can't describe and naturally she will need alot of both Dayton and I's attention.  And I'm excited to take care of her that's not the issue.  But how do you become a mom, a wife, and still be you?  Is there really enough time in the day for all of it?  Dayton and I devote alot of time everyday to make sure we're on the same page, to connect, and communicate.  I take my role as a wife really serious.  I don't plan on intentionally leaving Dayton out or purposely not making time for us but I'm scared it will just happen because our life will be consumed with the baby.  I love where we're at and change scares me.  Am I sounding like a horrible mom yet?  Dont worry we're on the same page if you think I do.  I feel guilty for even having these feelings.

I feel it's very important to continue to make Dayton my number one in alot of ways.  I talk about our marriage being team work alot on here.  In the marriages I admire I notice the husband and wife are the foundation and one anothers priority even with kids.  And in my personal opinion, I feel that is how it should always be.  Mom and Dad are the stability of a family and I'm feeling inadequate in how I'll be able to handle having another major role.  And then I think of that dreaded word. Balance. I read it and my eyes glaze over because I've always struggled with it.  Being a mom and a wife will take working through and practice.  Just like adjusting to being a wife did. 

Do you see why I lose sleep at night?!  My brain never turns off.