give him everything

I had such a sweet conversation with a friend the other day. She was telling me about an extremely difficult time in her life she was sitting in church, but suddenly had to take her daughter out of sacrament meeting because she was having a moment.  The frustrations of motherhood, needing your child to just be still in a painful moment while battling grief and other life circumstances building up was ready to spill out of her. So she grabbed her daughter walked her out in the middle of sacrament meeting with everyone’s eyes on her and sat her down on the couch in the foyer.   Then she saw a picture of Jesus and looked at him with anger and frustration and thought “I hate you”. 

A few days later, she was talking to her friend and was feeling guilty for simply thinking such a harsh thing and clarified she obviously didn't hate Jesus. Her friend, eager to ease her mind said, “he’s the perfect person to say it to. You give him everything". Again one of my favorite quotes of parenting is “parents are a child’s first experience with god.”  I love to find a common thread of God's relationship with us and the relationship our children have with us as their parents and pull  on that thread until I can’t any longer. haha it's a quote that has so many layers.  I think about the ugly, messy reactions I’ve got from my girls. I have absorbed  “I hate you”’s plenty of times and while I definitely react poorly to them on occasion I usually try to look at my girls lovingly, tell them I love them then let their words fall.  I am aware that I probably except more verbal lashings than most and I don’t know that that’s noble or right. Feels better than screaming at them, but I've felt prompted recently to actually revisit the conversation when everyone is calm and check in then.  I think that's a big part of what I'm missing. I really spiral that I'm doing it all wrong when my friends kids are so sweet and don't tell their mom they hate their hair!!! hahah

Anyway! I'm stuck on this idea of "God is the perfect person to say it all to. Give him everything".  How does that translate to our accepting all our kids highs and lows? Is it really okay to want to blame him for your circumstances and your suffering.  Does it hurt his feelings? I don't think it does. So is it important for us as parents to let those moments with our children not hit us in our gut.  Does he weep with you and give you a heavenly comfort?  Sometimes after those moments of thinking really? really? This is how things are going for me? You didn't save me from this or that?  He holds us close, reminds us in loving ways that he's always here and that he sees our hurt.  

Something about him just loving us unconditionally and receiving our anger actually motivates us to soften naturally, on our own accord.  I've seen it in myself when I have a venting prayer usually the response I feel from God is nurturing and not a reprimand....yet.  Later, I come around to the truth that maybe I can learn something from this trial or he gives me strength or an idea on how to get through it.  I've seen it in my kids when they're really out of sorts and I respond with an I love you or don't respond at all they come back later that night, or the next day and say sorry and we chat about what was going on. It's magical.

God provides a safe haven of perfect love and perfect empathy.